I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
