Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize