i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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