We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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