so that wasnt chicken after all
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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