is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
