Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
