Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
