they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
