Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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