two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize