I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
