what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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