I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
