You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
