Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
