i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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