No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
