so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
