If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
