so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
