im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
