Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
