HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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