He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
