Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize