I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
