We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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