every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
