I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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