Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
