Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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