I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
