I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
my liver is dry heaving
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
