Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
