so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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