I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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