she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
