If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
