Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
