Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
