Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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