its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
