I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize