I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
