Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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