I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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