Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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