i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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