its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
