Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
