I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
