spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
