We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I could make wine with my vomit
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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