toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
