why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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