we should wear snuggies to the strip club
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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