Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
