I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
