Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Randomize
