I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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