I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
