He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
and you fell through a lawn chair
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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