What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
